Many people around my age are having kids or are soon to be parents. Many of them already have kids. I’ve never felt pressured to have kids nor do I feel pressured to have them now. However so many things have been going thru my mind this week that everyone keeps telling me to chill. As I’m realizing so many things about myself I’m learning them from looking at my past chapter.
Maybe a few years back I could honestly tell you I would of died if I knew I was expecting. I never wanted a child to stop my plans in life. I’ve always loved kids and loved being around them. A few years ago I would of loved being a step mom myself, I love kids and being a stepmother would be something I would become if I were in love with someone in that situation. Yes I want to be a mother but I believe that it will happen when it’s meant to happen. I don’t want to be a mother just to procreate and leave my genes in the world. I want to be a mother and honestly be there for my children easier said than done.
People see me and sometimes think I have no desire of having kids because all I do is stuff for myself. I feel I have endless projects I want to complete before children. But I want to be a mother I joke around saying I’ll get knocked up by my 30th birthday. However, realistically I want to enjoy my babies (my students) now being able to teach them and not think of my own children. I want to enjoy my career a little more write a little more and travel a little more. Find that is missing currently.
We all want to plan things but like we know life has its plan of its own. Currently having a baby would be hard. I know a baby wouldn’t come anytime soon cause things with myself are a work in progress. I didn’t write this so people can think man she wants a kid now. No I want to a be mother one day. Its crazy to even say that I may not even know if I will be able to bring life to this world. Often people my age feel pressured to have kids or as a women feel the need to please society on being a mother. I’ll be someone’s mother one day and I’ll make sure they live to grow knowing that I wanted them to be here when the time was right timing is never right and if I need to learn in order for them to arrive that will happen. I want to believe that life’s plan come when you don’t plan or its meant to teach you a lesson, fight for what you want and follow your heart.
I will explain that this week I’ve been feeling on edge and filled with emotions that have nothing related to kids but just made me realize that those are things I do, want in life and life is moving. Good night. I know I went deep lol.