On those hard days 

So what’s been happening in my life, as of right now? I can say it started to rain and the rain has been fun. I must admit in the pass month and half I’ve realized I’m going thru depression. How did I notice this I can say I was driving into a drive thru at Starbucks and I’m ordering two drinks for myself and I was remembering myself two years back how happy I was with the little accomplishments I had obtain at the time. Things in my life are stable, but emotionally I know I’m not in a good place. I’ve been dragging myself. I’ve been wearing black, I’ve gained weight, and I feel ugly. I must admit my skin is still flawless (thank you daddy) but my face is round. I just can’t find the effort to push through my goals that seemed to be lost in a cloudy fog.
My relationship has been rocky all year we’ve been working on it we’ve had big tough moments but were working on them. My best friend and boyfriend have been my biggest supports in helping me vent my issues about this oncoming depression. I hate labeling it as depression, because people automatically think crazy. Yes I may be a little crazy but depression is allocated to many things. I’ve been moving but I think I’m stuck things don’t make me happy at the moment I’ve lost either inspiration or I’m filling my time with things and I just drag myself I know things aren’t okay .I know I have to start overcoming these things that have been dragging me down. I need to find that happy place that place where I’m happy with myself and the things life gives me as challenges or blessings.

I’m grateful and aware, but I have felt stuck, I know this will be a process but I want to feel back on track, with my goals with my health and most importantly with my state of mind I want to love myself in order to enjoy everything and everyone around. I have plans and goals but it’s been tough to work towards them when I don’t feel like doing much. I’ve bounced with working on myself I’ll be good a couple days and than I’ll fall back. I just feel I’ve fallen into a whole and I’m having a hard time getting out.

So how I’m going to get out of this, I’ve decided to change my eating, get some endorphins, workout take care of my skin work change my wardrobe as I work on my weight falling off. Be more mindful of my expenses being more self-concessions on what I spend and what I need. Refocusing on my goals and my wants for my future. I know what I want but I’ve been dragging and it hurts, I need to heal from traumatic things that have happened in the past that get me stuck at times. I want to be seen as a strong person I’ve been kind of in a don’t care attitude with some of my friendships and sometime my relationship because that’s how I feel.

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