What gets left behind sometimes hurts, ended memories, ended conversations.It amazing to look back and see you’ve made the right decision.I didn’t think about this until I read this old passage its amazing to see this story repeat ,it can still apply to that person.
she says to me, “you know i’m always going to love you, right? It’s just that i know you will never give me what i want…so that’s why i’m with him.”at some point in the conversation it strikes me to ask, “who would you say the meanest person you know is?”her: (pointing at my chest)…you.
i sit there for a moment as she explains her response…but i do not listen…I’m fading into the scenery…a blur.
boosting my confidence so it’s a light landing she says, “your by far the smartest person i will ever know…and that’s what makes this decision so hard. I love you…but right now i’m asking you to tell me what you want me to do.”
again im sitting there, quiet for the moment…contemplating the fate of her heart.i adjust something,anything, before giving a response…”hmmm” is all that escapes. after a moment i begin switching my phone to off again, then placing it in my pocket, so that it gives me a pause in our conversation. “no matter what happens, it won’t matter because im here and your there…and we will never be together.”
i can tell the seasons are changing again…in my favor. I get alot of drunk texts …6 or 7 people on a continuous basis…”I always call you so it must count for something”.
the position i’m in feels like i’m crashing, falling, submerging…into water (slow motion)…marijuana steams from my lungs…its a river of white in the black sky.
Text message: hey stranger…
and again, i must explain my sincerest apologies