Still crying 

I’m still crying I partly have lost count but I’ve hit a new low.Ive made progress but I feel just like the first day or maybe even worst cause I’m constantly fighting with the calendar and myself.I don’t know how I’m suppose to really feel or how I’m suppose to be “over it”.I don’t like many things around me and god maybe mad at me for being so ungrateful for my health work and roof over my head and I’m grateful because it could be worst.But I’ll be honest I’m not happy I’m sad a couple months I felt angry and now it’s sadness in and out.The list haunts me the calendar punishes me I punish myself by not taking care of me I feel like an ugly fat troll.I’m asking myself what’s next well I ever be okay again what will make me happy how long is this low?when I look at the outside I feel left behind from my friends as there life’s seem to prosper I still feel sad and broken like a broken record.I’m happy for them but I can’t feel really happy when I’m not I’ve learned to hate holding in pee heat and working out I hate the feeling of anger and sadness .I keep telling myself nothing is forever but as I look at the calendar I can’t help and feel more torn knowing my birthday is days away and how I’d like to spend. MY 🎈 birthday is almost impossible 

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