How I really feel

Yesterday I mopped I felt sad but I really couldn't 😭 cry.I didn't want to go to my workout I just didn't.It was a rough morning feeling I did however go to the store I wondered while i drove .I got home ate breakfast than went with my brother so he can get his tires ✅.We walked around I hide some rocks and found some too. In my city we started a thing where you hide a rock and someone else finds it.The whole rock idea is great however I kinda feel rejected by the universe in terms that my hidden rocks aren't being found.

I guess I'm at lost when I know I'm doing things that maybe before I wouldn't do like driving around like walking and just feeling lost.After going with my brother i Felt ugh.anyways we were at the mall I saw someone that use to work at target and I totally walked the other way in efforts not to be asked.

Got home felt anxious and went to the gym it was lonely which is always nice.ive kept myself busy I have but I'm frustrated my brother told me what you doing? I said I'm moping he said why you have no reason to.I know why he said it.later he gave me a look and he said eats wrong I said I just can't get over it in a day he's like you had many days.He's right I've had several days and months.I woke up feeling why I'm feeling this way I don't want to be stuck I want to be over it.As much as I want to hold on it's eating me and I feel dumb to I feel pressured by my friends and family to be over it I feel they expect me to be happy and solemnly focused on me and that's hard.I feel like a pet of me has be wired out and yes that's what breakups do I just feel so much pressure that I feel stuck.

I just remembered last night I had a dream that I had a baby the baby was a couple months old but I had to coparent with the ex.In the dream it was exhausting because I was trying to make things easy for my ex in terms of coparenting.I keep praying and I want to be out of this state of mind that I feel is breaking my inside broken hearts aren't fun I feel lost like who is going to come in my life that will be so awesome and truly worth my time 😔

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